deciphering the days

Okay, here it comes: my contribution to the already polluted conversations about Death Note (the anime/manga series). A few things first though: There are so many spoilers ahead. I hold nothing back. I recently realized that I am in fact...a fanatic. But a strange kind of fanatic. I don't have any posters, spirit wear, nor do I have a Death Note notebook of my own. However, I spend waaaaay too much time thinking about this story. I have watched the series multiple times and have read reviews, posts, musings, appraisals, and critiques. I listen to the musical (it's awful by the way, but the words are significant). I have analyzed (and overanalyzed) the story and consulted several people about its moral dilemmas. Of course, there are a couple ways in which my Death Note education lacks: One, I haven't read the manga (I know, this is a big one, but I want to read it in Japanese! So I have to finish learning Japanese...) and two, I haven't watched the Netflix live a...

Acts 17: 24-28 "The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth...he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live in all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward Him and find Him. Yet He is actually not far from each of us, for 'in Him we live and move and have our being.'" ***** Do you know what this means? It means that we weren't born in a random year, place, time, era, religion, culture, or family. God determined our allotted periods and the boundaries of our dwelling place - for the purpose of finding and knowing Him. Did you know that? In all of the time, in all of the places, with all of the people...It is here and now that I am most likely to know God. To have a relationship with my Creator. I do not have a greater advantag...

High-schooler. What an interesting stage of life. Makes for an interesting group of people too. I learn their names. I learn their academic strengths and weaknesses. I learn about their family, life, interests, and hobbies. Last night I went to watch them perform in a dance recital. Not like ballet - but hip-hop and street dancing. I thought I would watch them dance, recognize a few of them, and leave with objective critique of the performance. Will I ever learn myself? There they were: my students, of past and present. I recognized a lot of them. They were on stage - they were amazing! They worked so hard - I could tell! They danced and moved with such passion! I cheered them on! I couldn't believe their talent! ...I also teared up during the first song.... Seriously. What is wrong with me??? What was the emotion I was feeling? Pride? Was I that proud of them? I kept leaning over to Husband, pointing out students, telling him their name and what they are like as pe...

My alarm goes off and I'm not sure how, but I get up. I get dressed. I eat something and get on the public transportation. I go to class. As soon as I can, I come back home and go to sleep before work. My grades are dropping. I don't like that. I haven't gone grocery shopping. I don't care. My roommate is suicidal. I go to meetings about suicide prevention. I talk to a counselor. Not about myself, about my suicidal roommate. I should have talked about myself. I'm not happy. I smile for everyone. I can't fall asleep. I sleep all the time. I can't get out of bed. I am never late to class or work. I add up all the time I spend in class, plus the recommended time for working on school outside of class, plus the hours at work. There are not that many hours in the week. I barely eat. It's almost night and I'm in bed. I need to study. I can't sleep but I'm tired. It happens. Again. It has every night this week. I'm laying on my back, fal...

"Have you spoken to Joshua* and Marie* recently? Do you keep up with them?" inquires a good friend of mine? Being very fond of Joshua and Marie, I reply, "Unfortunately, I haven't spoken to them in a while but Husband was going to have breakfast with Joshua last week! I don't know if they did. Why? What's new and awesome with the Smiths*?" "Oh. I am guessing you haven't heard...they are getting a divorce." It was one of those moments where literally everything stopped. My friend kept talking but I wasn't listening. Divorce? That is literally impossible. No, I don't mean 'figuratively.' I mean 'literally.' These two are my role models for life, relationships, fellowship, joy, spirituality - the list goes on! These two are solid Christians with real relationships with God. They have been instrumental in mine and my Husband's relationship. These people are inspiring - to everyone they meet! They are down to ea...

Have you heard this asian proverb before? I had not, until quite recently. ***** A farmer and his son had a beloved stallion who helped the family earn a living. One day, the horse ran away. When their neighbors heard the news, they all rushed to the farmer and exclaimed, “Your horse ran away, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, "Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see." A few days later, the horse returned home, leading a few wild mares back to the farm as well. The nearby townsfolk then thought differently about the situation and shouted out: “Your horse has returned, and brought several horses home with him. What great luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.” Later that week, the farmer’s son was trying to break one of the mares and she threw him to the ground, breaking his leg. The villagers cried, “Your son broke his leg, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.” A few weeks later, soldiers from the army marched ...

Yes, I have written about this subject before. Yes, I am writing about it again. Friday was a long, frustrating, tiring, and anxiety inducing day. I had projects, responsibilities, and leadership roles that were taxing my ability to be in multiple places at once. People were depending on me for resources that were not available. Unfortunately, I never had an opportunity to decompress before bed. That night, I woke up at three in the morning. I was thinking about work and worrying endlessly. I got up around four and made a work to-do list. I slept till six thirty-ish when the cycle repeated. I worked from my home computer until ten that morning. My chest felt tight for most of the day and occasionally my heart rate would spike and thoughts would become an incoherent, jumbled mess of worst-case scenarios and unrealistic outcomes. When I did fall asleep Saturday night, my dreams were of work and I did not stay in the same sleeping position for more than a half hour at a time. Su...

Where to begin. So many feelings bubbling up as I sort through relationships... ***** My mom has a 'keepsake box' with my name, sprawled in sharpie marker, on the side. Through the clear walls you can see a red Dolly Parton dress the size of a babydoll, official documents stamped with tiny black feet, crayon lines forming the alphabet, stuffed animals, a taped envelope of 'the first hair cut,' and various other mementos of which I have no recollection as to their origin.  Other than the items contained in that box, all other memorabilia from my childhood has passed on to me (that I know of). I also have quite the collection: pictures from early childhood, awards and ribbons from days spent at the fair, clothes that haven't fit in many years, and hobbies that I have long since cast aside. As I clean them out, I am reminded of times past - both good and bad.  One good thing is that I was able to find pictures of friends. I did not have many close peer...

Once upon a time there were boxes and boxes of specialty paper, certified stickers, scissors for every design, adhesives squares by the thousands, pictures from every angle of every occasion, and lastly... Scrapbooks. Beautiful scrapbooks. Books that elegantly displayed the captured moments of history. There were books of every topic and occasion: siblings, friends, hobbies, holidays, and beautiful snowfalls, to name a few. However, unlike in most libraries, these books were not on display. They were hidden away in a plastic storage container, on a shelf, and in a basement. "Why?" you might ask. I don't know. I never figured that part out. Maybe it was because most of the pictures did not really bring the author joy (did they need ten pictures of a snowfall?). Maybe it was because making the books took more energy than what was gained from looking at them. Or maybe it simply felt weird to the author to have an entire book of themselves riding a horse on the co...

The childhood home was always messy. Literally and figuratively. I have made it a point to have a tidy home; literally and figuratively. If you have read any of my posts you know I am a 'Konvert' and have been tidying  my house according to the Japanese author. I have decreased my possessions substantially. I can find my belongings. I know where things go. I never really have to clean. I pride myself on this. To the point of becoming prideful. Visiting my relatives (which I have done a lot of over the summer) always stresses me. This is partially because of the utterly chaotic belongings mixed with...Dirt. Grime. Animal Hair. Weird Smells. Dirty Dishes. ' My house is so much cleaner ,' I think. Hmmm. Something about pride and falling? I knew the disintegrating basement of our rental home had a tendency to leak. It also rained a lot this summer. I mentioned to the Hubby that we should probably clean out the cardboard downstairs, as it was likely wet. We...

Herein lies the final post in my trilogy of being a new teacher. Previously, I have debated my participation in the occupation ( Part 1 ). Also, I have aired my frustrations, solutions, and unsolved mysteries of the classroom ( Part 2 ). Now, for Part 3. What exactly is the role of a teacher in a public school setting? I don't know but it seems that everyone else does. To be fair, all of us have taught someone something at some point, and all of us have been taught. Which means everyone has an opinion about the teaching profession. Many with experience in education know of the curriculum vs. pedagogy debate, which translates to 'what you teach' vs. 'how you teach,' respectively. Not unlike the nature vs. nurture debate, both curriculum and pedagogy exist and both are powerful influencers, but we are uncertain as to which aspect deserves the most attention. However, during my education classes and in my mere year as a teacher, I have been witness to a th...

If you read the post called ' seek and you will find ' you know that Hubby and I are indeed searching for God, or in my case, not searching and not sure why. We are each on our own path, and yet we are together. My journey really began a few months ago. I was looking for a way to organize my jewelry. I don't particularly have a lot, but what I do have was messily stored. A friend told me that Hobby Lobby had some cute methods of hanging jewelry AND they had a sale going on. So I went and found what I was looking ( link to Hobby Lobby ): It was functional and a much better alternative to my then current method of jewelry in vases (aka a tangled mess). Painted script on wood pallets and "antique brass hooks" do not exactly match my style or the design of the bedroom, but I didn't hesitate. As I walked to the register, I prayed, "Please Father. Awaken my soul." Though the wall hanging came with a long list of possible uses, I hung it above my dr...

Okay but seriously though. I am still KonMari-ing. Also, I'm having to go back and KonMari categories that I supposedly finished. Which indicates that I am not quite doing it right. However, the degree of my possessions has certainly been halved, at least. So without further ado.... Spring 2018 Update: I am starting to take the title of that book more seriously. The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up I think it might actually have changed my life...A year and a half after reading the book, and I am still joyfully whittling my possessions down to those I truly adore. Suddenly I have started to enjoy my house. It is clean and authentically 'me.' As my life is getting cleaner I discover a 'style.' My house. Clean lines. A collection of blacks, whites, greys, and browns, with splashes of rich yet subtle blues, yellows, and greens. Modern. Sleek. Happy - almost childlike - accents of message boards, graphic pillows, and quirky figures. My clothes. Clean...

So. Many. Questions. On top of questioning whether or not I should even be a teacher ( Part 1 ), I have a million and one questions concerning the curriculum and pedagogy of the job. Round 1 of questions reached its capacity after the first semester of teaching. I spent most of my Christmas break pondering the following: How do I get students to take more responsibility for themselves, their actions, and the actions of those around them? How can I get students to keep up with papers? (I do not, nor do they, have the luxury of classroom computers, so the papers stay.) How can I manage the material and instruction that absent students miss? How do I put the responsibility of absences on them? How can I minimize the endless printing and wasted paper? How can I more effectively distribute and collect papers? How can I help students who miss entire units of instruction? How can I differentiate between learning abilities? Can handouts be structured to accommodate? How ...

Well. I went from doing calculus three and inorganic chemistry to explaining basic arithmetic and the phase changes of water. Not what I saw coming. I'm not particularly thrilled about it either. Being a teacher seems much less glamorous than the scientist I imagined.  But it's not so bad either.  In this post (part 1) I will elaborate on my internal conflict as to whether I am should 'be a teacher' or find a different profession. Already, it seems as I should take the new profession route as no one wants to ask their teacher "Why do you love teaching?" only to receive the response, "Actually, I'm not thrilled about it. But I guess it's not so bad either." Furthermore, I strongly relate to both the worldly and crass caricatures below: Yeah...probably shouldn't be a teacher. Then again, my school loves me. My principal says he "cannot believe I am only a first year teacher." My supervising teacher sai...

Not having any children of my own, I find it strange to give parenting tips - how would I know? Not to mentioned most of us have felt the wrath of a stressed and poorly rested parent who was not in the mood to listen to parenting advice from the free and single. Understandably of course. However I was a child once. And this weekend (for whatever clinically significant reason) I have stumbled across many unpleasant childhood memories that for some weird purpose or lack of resolutions, I am still toting around in an emotional handbag. So here is to writing them down and remembering them when I am a parent. And here is to the parents who will listen to parenting advice from a non-parent. 1. Give your child the initial benefit of the doubt. In word, action, and deed. Sometimes this means trusting them over other kids/adults or even being wrong about your child's actions. Believe the best in your child and ask for their side of the story before you jump on the bandwagon. If your c...

Occasionally I feel the need to write about my family (which you know if you have ready any of my other posts). But more often than not, I do not actually publish what I write about them. I walk a very fine line between needing to process and...complaining. I don't want to loathe in self pity and write pages and pages of hurtful and emotionally inspired works. But I still desire to describe my family and my relationship with them... The following is my family in memes and pictures and posts, etc. Not necessarily capturing their essence, but rather when I see it, I think of them. I will continue to update it as more arrive... Mother: (except this one - this one captures my mother's essence) Father: (I feel like I should tell him this...) Older Brother: (my favorites of his picks. they both reflect his occupation and struggles with mental health)          Younger Brother: (my pick based on his humor and tattoos) (his picks)   Young...