sentiments

High-schooler. What an interesting stage of life. Makes for an interesting group of people too.

I learn their names. I learn their academic strengths and weaknesses. I learn about their family, life, interests, and hobbies.

Last night I went to watch them perform in a dance recital. Not like ballet - but hip-hop and street dancing.

I thought I would watch them dance, recognize a few of them, and leave with objective critique of the performance.

Will I ever learn myself?

There they were: my students, of past and present. I recognized a lot of them. They were on stage - they were amazing! They worked so hard - I could tell! They danced and moved with such passion! I cheered them on! I couldn't believe their talent!

...I also teared up during the first song....

Seriously. What is wrong with me???

What was the emotion I was feeling? Pride? Was I that proud of them? I kept leaning over to Husband, pointing out students, telling him their name and what they are like as people. I was frantically searching the program and then the stage looking for names then faces that I recognized. I jotted down notes of which songs, outfits, and moves I liked so I could remember to tell them tomorrow at school.

What even?

Also, my future as a mother is now looking grim. I am going to be one of those mom's that cries on the first day of school, records kindergarten graduation, keeps way too many boxes of sentimental keepsakes, and attends every single event, down to class speeches. All while tearfully believing it's the most amazing thing I have ever seen. Uhg.

But I mean, I guess there's worse things...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

misconception of failure

So I am talking to a friend the other day who is in quite a difficult spot right now. Her family is falling apart, abusive to her, publically humiliates her, and generally makes her life miserable. She is a new Christian. They are not. You can see the Spirit working in her as she has such a passion for showing them the life she has come to know. But it never seems to make a difference and at the end of the day she is discouraged. "...maybe I should have said something different..." "...maybe I provoked it..." "...it is so hard to be a change when I am right back in the situation where everything was so awful..." "...I feel like such a failure..." These are the things she says to me. And I relate and sympathize with all of them. However, last time we were talking about this, the Holy Spirit put into words what I have been trying to learn for so very long. When I think that I am a failure and that the Lord can't use my fumblings, I ...
Read more

tidying

I want to have a space where I fit comfortably, both body and mind. I do not feel that I have ever experienced any significant level of comfort from my environment. Of course, like most people, I do own a couple of items that always make me feel better in a 'security blanket' manner. However, it is always a struggle to find them in the midst of the crowded atmosphere that has always been my house. Unnecessary stressors significantly outnumber the happy items. Maybe this is due to the lack of cleanliness and/or the excess items that surround me, and the people I have lived with, but regardless as to why, I never thought my house could be a source of pleasure, comfort, and energy. But maybe it can. I want to have a space where I fit comfortably, both in body and mind. For the first time, I have my own place, for Husband and me (yay us!!). Perhaps we can make our house a happy place. I want our belongings to be important and to fit comfortably within our home. No more forcing....
Read more

yourself and others

My little sister has always seemed older than her years. Life is very simple to her and even the most complex of situations are black and white -- and she knows she's right. Though usually her insite lacks a comprehensive understanding of circumstances, sometimes her causal comments are worthy of considerable thought. A particularly provoking comment arose while she listened to me stress about staying in contact with relatives and friends. There were phone calls I hadn't returned, emails to which I hadn't replied, and 'thank you' cards that I hadn't mailed. She speaks to me in the fashion of a old sage who is slightly dumbfounded by the young ones lack of understanding. "Sissy...there is always someone else to call." She wasn't referring to my endless list of relatives and friends that were deserving of my attention. She was referring to my relatives and friends -- that they were the 'someone else' who could call me. Her wo...
Read more