deciphering the days

I need to rant.... Who would look at a brand-new, first-time mama, with her couple-of-weeks-old baby, and tell her that this wasn't 'real life' and because one day her baby will sleep through the night? Or that she wasn't in the 'real world' yet because this new mama hasn't dealt with a PMS-ing teenage girl? ABSOLUTELY NO ONE! EVER! So why do so many people look at students (elementary, middle, high, college, I don't care - pick one) and tell them that their life isn't 'real life in the real world?' No, most high-school students do not pay their own bills. No, the later chapters of life probably don't include a bubble-sheet scantron for exams. Yes, there are aspects of life that are harder/easier/more complicated/more simplistic/more stressful/more relaxing/or just plain different. But that doesn't make the almost 25% of your life (if you stop at an undergraduate degree around 22-years-old and live well into your ninetie...

Families. Oh man - families. Some of us have some pretty whacked out families. And then children grow up and try to make their own family extension, often successfully. But It's a rough transition for many though, at least from what I have seen. There's a lot of standards. Do her parents like their daughter's interactions with someone else's' son? And do they like him and his family? Not just like immediate personality, but life choices and political stances and social status and life aspirations and every miniscule family interaction ever and and AND !?!?!? Yes, I get very emotionally involved in this subject. I have experienced (in my life and others') families who vehemently disapproved of their child's choice of potential spouse and of the relationship as a whole - and made it known. Miserably and painfully known. I have seen people be uninvited, banned from the home, and denied the family blessing of marriage. I have seen the same people mir...

So I am talking to a friend the other day who is in quite a difficult spot right now. Her family is falling apart, abusive to her, publically humiliates her, and generally makes her life miserable. She is a new Christian. They are not. You can see the Spirit working in her as she has such a passion for showing them the life she has come to know. But it never seems to make a difference and at the end of the day she is discouraged. "...maybe I should have said something different..." "...maybe I provoked it..." "...it is so hard to be a change when I am right back in the situation where everything was so awful..." "...I feel like such a failure..." These are the things she says to me. And I relate and sympathize with all of them. However, last time we were talking about this, the Holy Spirit put into words what I have been trying to learn for so very long. When I think that I am a failure and that the Lord can't use my fumblings, I ...

So why are we, as Christians, surprised when people who do not know God act as such? I see so many Christians confused because of, hurt from, surprised at, and struggling with, the world. More often than not, I am all of those things too. But of course non-Christian people don't always act like Christians do - they aren't Christians. We have God! There must be a better way for us to approach the world without getting so emotionally distraught. It seems, at times, that we take it as a personal attack when non-Christians act like non-Christians. This shouldn't 'throw us for a loop.' We are told in the Bible that there are many terrible things that must come to pass before His Restoration. He told us that the world would not love Him or follow Him. We forget that we would be no better off without Him. And yet here we are, blasting our Facebook newsfeed with the latest terrible stories and expressing our disbelief, dismay, discontent, disapproval, disdain, and any...

So here I am job hunting... Oh the stress... Oh the things that money represents and can do... There are job openings at a local art store (that would be fun!), a casual restaurant (meh, that's cool), a fast food restaurant (cringe...), a beauty products store (that could work), and a few others. Resumes are flying everywhere, I have fixed my crazy curly hair two days in a row and anxiously stared at my phone waiting to schedule interviews. And I am about to lose my mind. Today has been better; I have been a little more proactive and have seen progress. I also changed how I was looking at the situation. But the whole process has been kinda hard. The losing my mind part isn't over the interview or what someone thinks of my resume. Also, I don't mind working a job - it's getting the job that's so rough.  What if I don't get a job? What will I do? What will people think? What if... So, let's address those questions: If I don't get a job: ...

How can being alone affect me this much? School is out, the stress of finals is over (though I am still dreaming about it), and I have a whole week to myself before summer classes begin. This should be a great time - a time to rejuvenate and catch up on lost sleep. But no. I watched my friends head out for the summer, most of which will be back periodically. And this weekend I am heading out of town myself. Just four days by myself. Just four days. No problem, right? But no. There are books to read, pictures to paint, a house to clean, and my ritual 'out-with-the-old-semester-in-with-the-new' cleaning. I can wash laundry, organize files, apply for a job, and go exploring around the town. I mostly did those things.... But being alone has a very dramatic effect. I am an introvert and enjoy time away from people, as long as I know they're still there. But right now they aren't here; it's just me. I change emotions about fifteen times a day. Usually I ...

At certain times in my life, there are things that I shouldn't struggle with anymore, or so I think. In the last day or so I have unsuccessfully backed out of a parking space (it felt like a fifteen point turn - seriously, I have been driving long enough to have figured this one out), successfully drop an entire carton of eggs across the Walmart check-out lane (boy was that a mess - and how many years of my life have I known to be extra careful with eggs?!?), and unsuccessfully kept bleach off my only pair of black dress pants (a beautiful shade of bright pink though). Will it ever end? I mistakenly think that if I just 'grow up,' then I will 'grow out' of such trivial problems. I do this with God as well, particularly in dealing with my guilt of past struggles. There are a lot of ways I have hurt myself and my relationship with God. And of course, I have also been hurt. I am discovering that I often think getting past these guilts and hurts means to grow up, fi...

I have a blog!!! So I have thought about this for a long time. And here it is. I can be so dramatic with the spacing if I want!!! And to anyone who reads this - be warned! These are the ravings of an individual who has no idea about life and is really just trying to decipher each day - one day at a time. I don't know what I will write about, or if I will even agree with myself two days later. But as I come across soapboxes, pet peeves, confusions, and excitements - they may make it to my blog! But then again, I may make it today and never use it again. And it will have served its purpose for today. First blog: Posted!