the power of family
Families. Oh man - families. Some of us have some pretty whacked out families. And then children grow up and try to make their own family extension, often successfully.
But It's a rough transition for many though, at least from what I have seen.
There's a lot of standards. Do her parents like their daughter's interactions with someone else's' son? And do they like him and his family? Not just like immediate personality, but life choices and political stances and social status and life aspirations and every miniscule family interaction ever and and AND!?!?!?
Yes, I get very emotionally involved in this subject. I have experienced (in my life and others') families who vehemently disapproved of their child's choice of potential spouse and of the relationship as a whole - and made it known.
Miserably and painfully known.
I have seen people be uninvited, banned from the home, and denied the family blessing of marriage.
I have seen the same people miraculously (no seriously - a Divine Intervention) withstand and live a wonderful, happy, God-blessed life together - some with marriage and babies and a home together!
The relationship strain from your beloved family degrading your beloved potential spouse results in turmoil and deep, hurting, lasting wounds. The situation seems a hopeless and inescapable tempest. After recession, not even the most extreme disaster relief programs can erase and renew.
Lord please help us. I can't even come close to mending all of these pieces back together.
So how serious is this tempest I describe? I knew it was big, but I realized how big recently.
In the book of Genesis, we look at the life of Isaac and Rebekah. Isaac was the promised child to Abraham and Sarah, he was almost deathly sacrificed to God (by his father!) but God provided a ram instead, and, well, lot's of things happen to Isaac. But my point is this: Isaac witnessed God in so many ways, like through his father's faith, through his meetings and conversations with God, and through God's blessings and provisions. Isaac knew God. Both Isaac and Rebekah had spoken with God (Gen. 25:23, Gen. 26:2). They had children too; one of which was Esau...
Genesis 26: 34-35 (ESV):
"When Esau was forty years old, he took Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite to be his wife, and Basemeth the daughter of Elon the Hittite, and they made life bitter for Isaac and Rebekah."
They made life bitter?
They made life bitter?!?!
Isaac and Rebekah had a relationship with the God of the universe, the Ultimate Good and Just God, the Breather of Life!!! And yes, as Christians we do too - but Isaac seems to have had faith much greater than mine and the Lord appeared to Isaac (26:2 ESV) and yet still the son and daughter-in-laws had the power to make Isaac and Rebekah's life bitter. Not just 'in a bad mood from time to time.' NO!! Their life was bitter! Bitter it says!!
I'm really hung up on the bitterness part...
These people (Esau and his wives) had the power to take a person who had audible conversations with God, and make their life bitter.
Well dang.
Families can have that kind of influence on each other. Parents to children, and children to parents. Power strong enough to damage the life of those who walk with God.
This is a very serious issue! Our words and actions are so powerful - to our family in particular!
It may become a habitual, casual event that Mama is angry at Daughter-in-Law for whatever it is that Daughter-in-Law always does, and it may even seem trivial when compared to 'real' issues. But I am beginning to wonder if these menial disagreements deserve more acknowledgement.
Are tiny disagreements worth delving into and interpreting? I would say yes...but reading into miniscule actions can be exhausting - where is the line? Do we read into everything or is there an unspoken standard which we are all expected to understand and abide by? For 'parent-to-adult child' relationships, how do we keep these differences mended?
Everyone talks about the adjustment period that comes with adoption. I feel like it's a similar thing when children-who-are-no-longer-a-child get married. They must learn to work with a new set of 'parents' and the parents need to adjust to a 'new child' -- but this time the parents didn't 'ask' for or choose the child, and the child wasn't really looking to be 'adopted' and to learn a 'better way of living' that a new family can provide. Maybe we aren't supposed to treat the situation from a parent-to-child perspective but rather an adult-to-adult. Is that even possible?
I don't know. I'm not really making sense to myself.
My roomie's boyfriend's family just 'uninvited' her from the family trip. She always has gone with them and was supposed to this time. I do not pretend to know his family's reasons or whether or not they are reasonable and justified. I just hope they were worth the pain caused for this couple.
My dear friend's father originally denied her now-husband the privilege of marrying his daughter. His reasons were not worth the pain he caused the couple, not even close.
Esau and his wives: were their differences concerning his parents really worth making a bitter life for Isaac and Rebekah? I'm kinda doubting it....
Sometimes I think we view other people from a 'are they good enough for me' perspective. Are we looking at in-laws from a 'good enough for me' or 'good enough for the other person' and 'is the relationship blessed by God?'
I don't know. I just don't know. I don't know how to view these relationships; I don't know how to ameliorate or prevent these stressful situations; I don't know how to help people as they go through family relationship stresses; and I don't know how to deal with them when I am there myself. I don't know how to give relationships and disagreements the respect they deserve, or how to express to other people what God has shown me through the story of Isaac and Esau.
Yet here is my best effort, splattered all over a blog post.
As family (particularly child and parent) we have the power to make life bitter for each other, or make life beautiful - and probably lots in between. So what do we do? I don't really know. I can name a few vague conceptual Sunday school answers like 'seek God' or 'love one another' and 'communicate our feelings and thoughts through the lens of Christ's essence' which is probably right...I just haven't figured out what that looks like in a very practical sense.
I'm such a 'doer' -- what I would do for 5 easy steps!! Ah well, then I wouldn't need God I guess, and I would be in all sorts of trouble =)
But It's a rough transition for many though, at least from what I have seen.
There's a lot of standards. Do her parents like their daughter's interactions with someone else's' son? And do they like him and his family? Not just like immediate personality, but life choices and political stances and social status and life aspirations and every miniscule family interaction ever and and AND!?!?!?
Yes, I get very emotionally involved in this subject. I have experienced (in my life and others') families who vehemently disapproved of their child's choice of potential spouse and of the relationship as a whole - and made it known.
Miserably and painfully known.
I have seen people be uninvited, banned from the home, and denied the family blessing of marriage.
I have seen the same people miraculously (no seriously - a Divine Intervention) withstand and live a wonderful, happy, God-blessed life together - some with marriage and babies and a home together!
The relationship strain from your beloved family degrading your beloved potential spouse results in turmoil and deep, hurting, lasting wounds. The situation seems a hopeless and inescapable tempest. After recession, not even the most extreme disaster relief programs can erase and renew.
Lord please help us. I can't even come close to mending all of these pieces back together.
So how serious is this tempest I describe? I knew it was big, but I realized how big recently.
In the book of Genesis, we look at the life of Isaac and Rebekah. Isaac was the promised child to Abraham and Sarah, he was almost deathly sacrificed to God (by his father!) but God provided a ram instead, and, well, lot's of things happen to Isaac. But my point is this: Isaac witnessed God in so many ways, like through his father's faith, through his meetings and conversations with God, and through God's blessings and provisions. Isaac knew God. Both Isaac and Rebekah had spoken with God (Gen. 25:23, Gen. 26:2). They had children too; one of which was Esau...
Genesis 26: 34-35 (ESV):
"When Esau was forty years old, he took Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite to be his wife, and Basemeth the daughter of Elon the Hittite, and they made life bitter for Isaac and Rebekah."
They made life bitter?
They made life bitter?!?!
Isaac and Rebekah had a relationship with the God of the universe, the Ultimate Good and Just God, the Breather of Life!!! And yes, as Christians we do too - but Isaac seems to have had faith much greater than mine and the Lord appeared to Isaac (26:2 ESV) and yet still the son and daughter-in-laws had the power to make Isaac and Rebekah's life bitter. Not just 'in a bad mood from time to time.' NO!! Their life was bitter! Bitter it says!!
I'm really hung up on the bitterness part...
These people (Esau and his wives) had the power to take a person who had audible conversations with God, and make their life bitter.
Well dang.
Families can have that kind of influence on each other. Parents to children, and children to parents. Power strong enough to damage the life of those who walk with God.
This is a very serious issue! Our words and actions are so powerful - to our family in particular!
It may become a habitual, casual event that Mama is angry at Daughter-in-Law for whatever it is that Daughter-in-Law always does, and it may even seem trivial when compared to 'real' issues. But I am beginning to wonder if these menial disagreements deserve more acknowledgement.
Are tiny disagreements worth delving into and interpreting? I would say yes...but reading into miniscule actions can be exhausting - where is the line? Do we read into everything or is there an unspoken standard which we are all expected to understand and abide by? For 'parent-to-adult child' relationships, how do we keep these differences mended?
Everyone talks about the adjustment period that comes with adoption. I feel like it's a similar thing when children-who-are-no-longer-a-child get married. They must learn to work with a new set of 'parents' and the parents need to adjust to a 'new child' -- but this time the parents didn't 'ask' for or choose the child, and the child wasn't really looking to be 'adopted' and to learn a 'better way of living' that a new family can provide. Maybe we aren't supposed to treat the situation from a parent-to-child perspective but rather an adult-to-adult. Is that even possible?
I don't know. I'm not really making sense to myself.
My roomie's boyfriend's family just 'uninvited' her from the family trip. She always has gone with them and was supposed to this time. I do not pretend to know his family's reasons or whether or not they are reasonable and justified. I just hope they were worth the pain caused for this couple.
My dear friend's father originally denied her now-husband the privilege of marrying his daughter. His reasons were not worth the pain he caused the couple, not even close.
Esau and his wives: were their differences concerning his parents really worth making a bitter life for Isaac and Rebekah? I'm kinda doubting it....
Sometimes I think we view other people from a 'are they good enough for me' perspective. Are we looking at in-laws from a 'good enough for me' or 'good enough for the other person' and 'is the relationship blessed by God?'
I don't know. I just don't know. I don't know how to view these relationships; I don't know how to ameliorate or prevent these stressful situations; I don't know how to help people as they go through family relationship stresses; and I don't know how to deal with them when I am there myself. I don't know how to give relationships and disagreements the respect they deserve, or how to express to other people what God has shown me through the story of Isaac and Esau.
Yet here is my best effort, splattered all over a blog post.
As family (particularly child and parent) we have the power to make life bitter for each other, or make life beautiful - and probably lots in between. So what do we do? I don't really know. I can name a few vague conceptual Sunday school answers like 'seek God' or 'love one another' and 'communicate our feelings and thoughts through the lens of Christ's essence' which is probably right...I just haven't figured out what that looks like in a very practical sense.
I'm such a 'doer' -- what I would do for 5 easy steps!! Ah well, then I wouldn't need God I guess, and I would be in all sorts of trouble =)
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