the hunt
So here I am job hunting...
Oh the stress...
Oh the things that money represents and can do...
There are job openings at a local art store (that would be fun!), a casual restaurant (meh, that's cool), a fast food restaurant (cringe...), a beauty products store (that could work), and a few others.
Resumes are flying everywhere, I have fixed my crazy curly hair two days in a row and anxiously stared at my phone waiting to schedule interviews. And I am about to lose my mind.
Today has been better; I have been a little more proactive and have seen progress. I also changed how I was looking at the situation.
But the whole process has been kinda hard.
The losing my mind part isn't over the interview or what someone thinks of my resume. Also, I don't mind working a job - it's getting the job that's so rough. What if I don't get a job? What will I do? What will people think? What if...
So, let's address those questions:
If I don't get a job:
I simply won't take my second summer class. I will push my graduation date forward one semester, and then I will graduate with a four-year science degree in four years, instead of the three-and-a-half as planned. Oh no. What a terrible worst-case scenario (note the sarcasm). Why am I worried about this? It might even be a healthier alternative than cramming everything in like I am currently doing.
What I will do:
I will make my to-do list that I have not had time for and get some things done this summer. My school has a pool and a climbing wall and all sorts of other things that are totally free for students. There are all of those books that I put on my tablet's Kindle app that I have been trying to read. I will visit some family. I will do all sorts of things!
What people will think:
Hmmm....and here it starts to get more complicated... It is so easy for me to put value into what I do (read the other blog posts and that fact is apparent) and I feel like a lot of that pressure stems from society and what other people will think. I am very aware of standards, requirements, and expectations (perhaps too aware to the point I feel them stronger than they really are).
You work hard. You have a paying job. It's what you do. There is no excuse for simply 'not working' -- that's called being lazy. So says the peanut gallery.
I truly do not want to have to explain why I don't have a job. Like really do not want to explain that. I also really don't want to work another miserable job just to please said peanut gallery. Yes, providing for myself via a job is part of the 'being-an-adult' responsibilities. But I am not going to go hungry or not pay my bills or neglect responsibilities if I don't work my tail off this summer. Now I am still job hunting; I just turned in another application. But the point is that the perspective from which I am doing it has slightly changed. I do not need to do all these things just because I fear judgement.
That idea also applies to how I view potential employers. Job hunting is hard. You really have to throw yourself out there and get rejected and be sad that your phone never rings. And there is nothing like being super stressed and anxious during an interview while you attempt to be competent and composed -- and feel anything but!
However, I was able to work more on the job search today, with less stress, after I gave myself permission not to go bananas finding the perfect job, with the best-pay-for-what-it-is and all the hours ever (this came about only after a prayers and guidance from God - I spent many days getting absolutely nowhere by myself). It was a slight epiphany to say "my competence and self-motivation is not entirely defined by how much I do or do not work this summer." How many times do we read about our identity in the New Testament? That we are defined by God and not the world. And how many time have I listened and spoke about this in Sunday school?!?
My identity rests in God. Trust in Him.
My identity rests in God. Trust in Him.
My identity rests in God. Trust in Him.
Yeah, but tomorrow, an onlooker might never guess that I know this. Maybe I don't know.
I think about that concept (my identity rests in Him) and it almost means "My soul is going to Heaven because I believe that I need God for every aspect of life and that He is The Creator."
Yeah...and?!?
There is an 'and,' right?
I fall into the idea that my thoughts and physical self are totally at the mercy of the world - for crows to peck, as it were. So what's the 'and?' Well, if I really knew, I probably wouldn't be blogging about it...
My thoughts can be defined by Him. What does that mean? Well, my thoughts and what I want to do can always correlate more. And I think that ideally, if I were totally following God with everything I have, then what I should do and what I want to do would be synonymous. Maybe I wouldn't be so worried about other people if I was more confident in what I should be doing (what God has me to do). "I know what God wants me to do and I am doing it" doesn't leave much room for wishy-washiness and wondering what other people want. Hmmm....
But what does this actually look like. I don't know. Maybe for me it looks like blog posts and taking time to ponder God and who I am in Him. Maybe simple heart pondering that originates from The One Who Is.
Okay. Well. I guess I am done. Gonna go re-re-re-refresh my email looking for employer responses and check for the nth time that my phone ringer is on. Or maybe I will relax and trust that He has a plan.
Or maybe I will think about relaxing and trusting while I turn my ringer to one notch higher, just in case I am out of the room when it goes off...
Oh the stress...
Oh the things that money represents and can do...
There are job openings at a local art store (that would be fun!), a casual restaurant (meh, that's cool), a fast food restaurant (cringe...), a beauty products store (that could work), and a few others.
Resumes are flying everywhere, I have fixed my crazy curly hair two days in a row and anxiously stared at my phone waiting to schedule interviews. And I am about to lose my mind.
Today has been better; I have been a little more proactive and have seen progress. I also changed how I was looking at the situation.
But the whole process has been kinda hard.
The losing my mind part isn't over the interview or what someone thinks of my resume. Also, I don't mind working a job - it's getting the job that's so rough. What if I don't get a job? What will I do? What will people think? What if...
So, let's address those questions:
If I don't get a job:
I simply won't take my second summer class. I will push my graduation date forward one semester, and then I will graduate with a four-year science degree in four years, instead of the three-and-a-half as planned. Oh no. What a terrible worst-case scenario (note the sarcasm). Why am I worried about this? It might even be a healthier alternative than cramming everything in like I am currently doing.
What I will do:
I will make my to-do list that I have not had time for and get some things done this summer. My school has a pool and a climbing wall and all sorts of other things that are totally free for students. There are all of those books that I put on my tablet's Kindle app that I have been trying to read. I will visit some family. I will do all sorts of things!
What people will think:
Hmmm....and here it starts to get more complicated... It is so easy for me to put value into what I do (read the other blog posts and that fact is apparent) and I feel like a lot of that pressure stems from society and what other people will think. I am very aware of standards, requirements, and expectations (perhaps too aware to the point I feel them stronger than they really are).
You work hard. You have a paying job. It's what you do. There is no excuse for simply 'not working' -- that's called being lazy. So says the peanut gallery.
I truly do not want to have to explain why I don't have a job. Like really do not want to explain that. I also really don't want to work another miserable job just to please said peanut gallery. Yes, providing for myself via a job is part of the 'being-an-adult' responsibilities. But I am not going to go hungry or not pay my bills or neglect responsibilities if I don't work my tail off this summer. Now I am still job hunting; I just turned in another application. But the point is that the perspective from which I am doing it has slightly changed. I do not need to do all these things just because I fear judgement.
That idea also applies to how I view potential employers. Job hunting is hard. You really have to throw yourself out there and get rejected and be sad that your phone never rings. And there is nothing like being super stressed and anxious during an interview while you attempt to be competent and composed -- and feel anything but!
However, I was able to work more on the job search today, with less stress, after I gave myself permission not to go bananas finding the perfect job, with the best-pay-for-what-it-is and all the hours ever (this came about only after a prayers and guidance from God - I spent many days getting absolutely nowhere by myself). It was a slight epiphany to say "my competence and self-motivation is not entirely defined by how much I do or do not work this summer." How many times do we read about our identity in the New Testament? That we are defined by God and not the world. And how many time have I listened and spoke about this in Sunday school?!?
My identity rests in God. Trust in Him.
My identity rests in God. Trust in Him.
My identity rests in God. Trust in Him.
Yeah, but tomorrow, an onlooker might never guess that I know this. Maybe I don't know.
I think about that concept (my identity rests in Him) and it almost means "My soul is going to Heaven because I believe that I need God for every aspect of life and that He is The Creator."
Yeah...and?!?
There is an 'and,' right?
I fall into the idea that my thoughts and physical self are totally at the mercy of the world - for crows to peck, as it were. So what's the 'and?' Well, if I really knew, I probably wouldn't be blogging about it...
My thoughts can be defined by Him. What does that mean? Well, my thoughts and what I want to do can always correlate more. And I think that ideally, if I were totally following God with everything I have, then what I should do and what I want to do would be synonymous. Maybe I wouldn't be so worried about other people if I was more confident in what I should be doing (what God has me to do). "I know what God wants me to do and I am doing it" doesn't leave much room for wishy-washiness and wondering what other people want. Hmmm....
But what does this actually look like. I don't know. Maybe for me it looks like blog posts and taking time to ponder God and who I am in Him. Maybe simple heart pondering that originates from The One Who Is.
Okay. Well. I guess I am done. Gonna go re-re-re-refresh my email looking for employer responses and check for the nth time that my phone ringer is on. Or maybe I will relax and trust that He has a plan.
Or maybe I will think about relaxing and trusting while I turn my ringer to one notch higher, just in case I am out of the room when it goes off...
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