deciphering the days

So here I am job hunting... Oh the stress... Oh the things that money represents and can do... There are job openings at a local art store (that would be fun!), a casual restaurant (meh, that's cool), a fast food restaurant (cringe...), a beauty products store (that could work), and a few others. Resumes are flying everywhere, I have fixed my crazy curly hair two days in a row and anxiously stared at my phone waiting to schedule interviews. And I am about to lose my mind. Today has been better; I have been a little more proactive and have seen progress. I also changed how I was looking at the situation. But the whole process has been kinda hard. The losing my mind part isn't over the interview or what someone thinks of my resume. Also, I don't mind working a job - it's getting the job that's so rough.  What if I don't get a job? What will I do? What will people think? What if... So, let's address those questions: If I don't get a job: ...

How can being alone affect me this much? School is out, the stress of finals is over (though I am still dreaming about it), and I have a whole week to myself before summer classes begin. This should be a great time - a time to rejuvenate and catch up on lost sleep. But no. I watched my friends head out for the summer, most of which will be back periodically. And this weekend I am heading out of town myself. Just four days by myself. Just four days. No problem, right? But no. There are books to read, pictures to paint, a house to clean, and my ritual 'out-with-the-old-semester-in-with-the-new' cleaning. I can wash laundry, organize files, apply for a job, and go exploring around the town. I mostly did those things.... But being alone has a very dramatic effect. I am an introvert and enjoy time away from people, as long as I know they're still there. But right now they aren't here; it's just me. I change emotions about fifteen times a day. Usually I ...

At certain times in my life, there are things that I shouldn't struggle with anymore, or so I think. In the last day or so I have unsuccessfully backed out of a parking space (it felt like a fifteen point turn - seriously, I have been driving long enough to have figured this one out), successfully drop an entire carton of eggs across the Walmart check-out lane (boy was that a mess - and how many years of my life have I known to be extra careful with eggs?!?), and unsuccessfully kept bleach off my only pair of black dress pants (a beautiful shade of bright pink though). Will it ever end? I mistakenly think that if I just 'grow up,' then I will 'grow out' of such trivial problems. I do this with God as well, particularly in dealing with my guilt of past struggles. There are a lot of ways I have hurt myself and my relationship with God. And of course, I have also been hurt. I am discovering that I often think getting past these guilts and hurts means to grow up, fi...

I have a blog!!! So I have thought about this for a long time. And here it is. I can be so dramatic with the spacing if I want!!! And to anyone who reads this - be warned! These are the ravings of an individual who has no idea about life and is really just trying to decipher each day - one day at a time. I don't know what I will write about, or if I will even agree with myself two days later. But as I come across soapboxes, pet peeves, confusions, and excitements - they may make it to my blog! But then again, I may make it today and never use it again. And it will have served its purpose for today. First blog: Posted!