lists...
Let's face it, I consider myself a master of lists. You name, I can make a list out of it. I have a packing list, reading list, summer to-do list, recipes to try list, school assignment list, morning routine list, an extensive wedding planning list, a list of people to call, and the list goes on forever!!!!
Making lists helps me to think clearly, organize my thoughts, and to quit worrying about things.
However, the lists that are designed to help me 'rule my life' will occasionally rule me. All of my lists are self-imposed. There is no reason I have to get assignments turned in early and it really is okay if I feed my goldfish every other day because I don't always remember. But I sometimes forget that. My lists start frustrating me: causing me anxiety and feelings of incompetence.
I stress about not getting enough things done or spending my time doing the 'wrong' things. What if there is a more efficient way to organize my day/list?
I realize it the most when I genuinely have 'nothing' to do that day (i.e., meetings, assignments, etc.) so I make a list and complete errands. And on a day when I should be enjoying the slower pace, the smell of clean laundry, the humming food on the stove, I am instead wondering if I am 'doing' enough. Then there are the ridiculous times that I get so overwhelmed by my own list that I cease to be productive at anything.
Sigh,
It sounds so ridiculous but it happens nonetheless.
Something about being still and knowing He is God.
A friend once asked me what I would do if I couldn't 'do.' I would legitimately need help.
I get so wrapped up in doing, that it bleeds into my identity. Rats, that's where God is suppose to be. But I go and search for other things.
On the bright side though, I am aware of this (though probably still in denial about how bad it really is) and the Lord has been giving me times of peace and stillness that I am learning to savor!
I will keep making my lists, but with a watchful eye that I leave them in their place.
Making lists helps me to think clearly, organize my thoughts, and to quit worrying about things.
However, the lists that are designed to help me 'rule my life' will occasionally rule me. All of my lists are self-imposed. There is no reason I have to get assignments turned in early and it really is okay if I feed my goldfish every other day because I don't always remember. But I sometimes forget that. My lists start frustrating me: causing me anxiety and feelings of incompetence.
I stress about not getting enough things done or spending my time doing the 'wrong' things. What if there is a more efficient way to organize my day/list?
I realize it the most when I genuinely have 'nothing' to do that day (i.e., meetings, assignments, etc.) so I make a list and complete errands. And on a day when I should be enjoying the slower pace, the smell of clean laundry, the humming food on the stove, I am instead wondering if I am 'doing' enough. Then there are the ridiculous times that I get so overwhelmed by my own list that I cease to be productive at anything.
Sigh,
It sounds so ridiculous but it happens nonetheless.
Something about being still and knowing He is God.
A friend once asked me what I would do if I couldn't 'do.' I would legitimately need help.
I get so wrapped up in doing, that it bleeds into my identity. Rats, that's where God is suppose to be. But I go and search for other things.
On the bright side though, I am aware of this (though probably still in denial about how bad it really is) and the Lord has been giving me times of peace and stillness that I am learning to savor!
I will keep making my lists, but with a watchful eye that I leave them in their place.
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