bad habits

I have bad habits. Of course, right? So do we all. But I think there are different types of bad habits. There are the ones that I know are bad but I don't really mind if other people know about them, like how I am impatient toward drivers who cut me off.

And there is another type. The habits that do not make me feel pretty, loveable, or respectable - and I certainly do not want others to know about them. They are not detrimental to my health - at least not obviously, but nonetheless, I do not want anyone else to know. I am ashamed. And I do them anyway.

I long to be beautiful when I am with others and when I am alone. Hopefully not in a super conceited way, but rather in a way that reflects the Maker's original design.

I do not act with these 'bad manners' when I am in the company of other - so why when I am alone?

I regularly yelp about the soap box of 'we should have enough self-respect for ourselves that we act in a becoming manner regardless of whose presence we are in!' I should listen to my soap boxes more often. Maybe I am trying to reference that God's creation of us can give us the healthy self-respect that we need to always present ourselves in a manner that pleases him. My habits that don't make me feel good about myself can't possibly be pleasing to Him - at least not the ones in my life.

So why do I do them? And seemingly more important - how do I stop? What healthier behaviors can I substitute?

I don't know.

I am simply amazed about how much I can harp about something, as if I know, and not understand it at all; like a foolish man thinking himself wise.

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