deciphering the days

Things I'm going to say to my principal tomorrow when I quit my job: *update, the things I actually said are bolded* Two years into teaching, I regretted joining the profession. I went back to school and got a masters in curriculum design. Covid hit while I was getting my masters. It bought me time in the classroom. It is now about two years out of Covid, this is year six of teaching. And I am regretting joining the profession.  When I thought about teaching chemistry, I didn't realize that  planning to teach chemistry and teaching chemistry was only about 10% of  what I actually got to do. The other 90% is spent dealing with discipline, testing, new initiatives, new programs, duty stations, social-emotional learning, registration, professional development, IEP meetings, 504 meetings, course team meetings, district meetings, certification meetings, on-boarding the new person for the fifth year in a row, etc. etc.  I never considered the fact that most of the students...

 I turned thirty! And it was as I predicted, quite thankfully.  No mid-life crisis. No guilt over the things I haven't done or the person I haven't become. No desire to cling to twenty-nine.  I saw an internet statement (can't find it now) that said a thirty-year-old is only a ten-year-old adult. If twenty is the age where we become "adults" (cause eighteen is still pretty young, but you can count it if you want), then we haven't been adults for very long. I'm only a ten-year-old adult. I have accomplished a lot in a mere ten years. I have changed a lot. There is still a lot to do, but it's exciting! Not weighing me down or depressing me. I can't do everything, and I don't want to. I will pick a few more things and enjoy them in the next few years.  So here's to being thirty and being ten and living a life that I like.

 You can always depend on me to write during the holidays.  This year's "discovery" was how strange it was to meet my siblings as adults.  We spent SOOOOO much time together as children, but then when we left, we really  left. At least I did.  I guess my older brother stuck around, but he got married and had kids immediately. I moved three hours away. My younger brother joined the military. That left my little sister still at home.  I go back for the holidays. I see people I recognize but I'm not sure I know them.  The older seems to have changed religions since last I knew, but I didn't ask.  The younger brother is married, has dogs, and isn't active military any more. Seems I missed an entire chapter of that story. The youngest is fifteen and now she is quiet and hyper aware of personal space. Being a new development, I don't know if these changes are a result of age, personality, or anxiety.  And there I am, married, only pseudo-religious,...

Forever on my journey toward sanity and healing, deconstruction and restoration.  ******* I stumbled across these two sayings during my internet scrolling:  “People will say this made me stronger, but I was a child. I didn’t need to be stronger. I needed to be safe.” (Stacy Kaiser, I think) "Father said we are not to cry." "That is because father is incapable of human emotion. You are ten. You can cry if you feel like it." (Vampire Dairies)  ******* I was retelling a childhood story to some friends the other day and made the statement, "and despite having never done anything particularly interesting in my life, somehow I am the black sheep of the family." They found it quite surprising that I was a "black sheep." Later I pondered if it was more of being the least favorite, rather than an outcast. I soon decided that was not worth my time or thought, and let it go.  A few days later, I was talking to my older brother and he mentioned his IQ score....