deciphering the days

I was the kid who was 'out' for so long. You know, no friends, only a couple acquaintances, dressed funny, socially awkward, and what people refer to as a 'late bloomer.' As always, I have been nice to other 'out' kids because I knew what it was like and I was one of them. I was also nice to the 'in' kids because I wanted them to like me and I wanted to be like them. Now, as always, I try so hard not to be the 'out' kid. But am I still nice to 'out' kids? Do I still extend my hand and open my life to those who struggle to find their way in this world. I hope so. But recently I have begun to wonder. Am I loving towards those that are what I don't want to be like? In thought, word, and deed? I need to pay attention. As always.

If you have read any of my blogs concerning decorating, or if you know me at all, then you know two things about me and decorating: 1. I don't think I am very good at it. 2. I get really annoyed at how expensive it can be. And on top of being expensive, I feel like it never ends. I could always decorate my house more. I could always change out the linens or update the colors or make it look more modern. I do not have the money or the time for that. But I do like my house to be decorated, and I like to note the passing of the seasons within my decor. But that means buying new things every season and storing the past seasons. Storing. I hate storage. So here is my compromise. I will decorate my table centerpiece for each season. And to keep it looking cohesive year round (and to keep it cheaper), I will use the same theme of glass vases (the ones I used at my wedding) within each season. Also, the contents are fairly small and all decorations for all seasons can fit into o...

So decorating your house is expensive. And of course I want to decorate my house in a way that marks the both the seasons and the years, which means even more money to the local home goods store. Plus, I find that if I just try to 'decorate' I end up spending too much money, going in to many directions, and I am almost always unhappy with the results. Knowing exactly how to decorate (i.e. change out the wall hanging like the examples below) gives me direction and purpose, and I spend all my energy on the perfect wall hanging. My attempts to cheaply decorate seasonally can be found here: seasonal decorations . My attempts to decorate for, and celebrate, the years of marriage are listed below. I have also been annoyed with the super lame suggestions for how to commemorate the passing years of love, so I included those as well! So basically my solution is this: Have one wall hanging someone in the common space of the house that reflects the year of marriage, and change it o...

I was the one asking questions and verifying any (and all) information. It was comfortable. I can’t be totally wrong about a decision if I ask someone else about it first. If no decisions is totally mine, then neither is the consequence. Good or bad.  Then the person to whom I ask the most questions went out on maternity leave. I was in charge of the substitute running her class. It was almost as if I was in charge of her class too. I made the decisions and I suffered all the consequences - but the good ones too. And get this -  I could do it! I didn’t need to be asking all of those questions - double checking and second guessing myself. I could just do it. It felt good. I was in a leadership role and I was good at it. My administrators saw what I was doing and were pleased with the results.  And then the other teacher came back from maternity leave. I immediately felt myself slipping into the old Double Check and Second Guess habit. But it was justified, right? This othe...