deciphering the days

I do not feel like I fit in with my family anymore. It is a very strange feeling. We grew up in the deep southern country. Booksmarts we not considered as useful as street smarts. We 'loved everybody' but our way of life was the best.   Staying   was more valuable than   going . Everyone in their right mind participated in the sweet tea drinking, southern baptist, animal raising, country folk way of life. ...yeah...not so much my thing anymore... I live in and love the city. I am a first generation college graduate - with a chemistry degree no less (growing up, the word 'scientist' was synonymous with people who were 'we-came-from-monkeys-atheist' and who 'make-up-nonsense-from-their-make-believe-lab.'). I am currently teaching in a public school.  My schedule is full. My husband and my friends are very different from me and each other. My faith has broadened denominationally. I love cultural foods - my favorite part is wh...

I am still here. Still breathing. What an interesting year. 2017 Me and My Love: Married. Moved. New Job for Me (a real one this time!). New Friends. New Hobbies. New Things. New Styles. Life is Good. New. And Good. Married is Good. My Family: Brother in the Marines. Drinking. Tatted. Smoking. (should I have taught him more?) Older Brother Moved. Mental Struggles. Marital Struggles. (I recommend a therapist) Parents Divorced. (I quite answering the phone for a while) Sister Lives with Father. Loves New School. (one of the few silver linings this year) Father Smoking (seriously - do you have to have a destructive force in your life?) Mother Engaged. Set 2017 Wedding Date. Father's Friend is Groom. Yikes. (this is worth of an entire blog post...) Brothers Stressing over Wedding. (then why are you going?) Teaching Brothers about Mother. (what do one sided relationships actually mean?) Bitter over My Parent's Life Choices. Brothers Not Going to Wedding (mi...

seek and you will find husband searches and doesn't find then he doubts i don't doubt i don't search. i don't find i don't question His goodness but i don't search. i am prideful what is husband searching for and not finding what am i ignoring why don't i search why doesn't he find seek and you will find

Okay. Here I am. Still trying to KonMari my belongings (check out my earlier post about the KonMari adventure for the back story). I have mostly figured out how it should feel when I am done, if I have KonMari-ed correctly. It has happened before. Like once. Maybe twice. The sentimental items are really getting to me. And I think I figured out why. I am not particularly satisfied with my childhood. When in the eyes of the public, my family pretended to be something it was not. We were never a reflection of the portrayed image, never that I can recall. I remember my middle school and high school years - feeling very bored and lonely. I tried desperately to be like the other teenagers but never once by adding my own, original contributions. I wasn't simply trying to fit myself into their clubs, rather I was looking to groups for a definition of who I should be. I was trying to do that then, and I still am. I am trying to construct memories of a happy, social teenage life that did...