hospital stays

I am familiar with hospital stays, but I am always two social circles away from the sick. I am not the daughter; I am the granddaughter who brings food, water, phone chargers, and toothbrushes to those who are spending the night. I am not the spouse; I am the one who goes and feeds the family pets and who takes the little ones on a walk in the garden. The doctors have no reason to update me on how things went, but I know everyone's coffee order. 

But I wasn't the second circle this time. I was the first. And I wasn't ready. 

My dad was in the ER for a couple days for a heart stent. I knew what was needed: food and water, hygiene, taking breaks to walk around the hospital, leaving the hospital to get fresh air, bringing books or small crafts to keep my hands busy.

But I wasn't ready. I remembered none of those things as I rushed out the door, went straight to the ER, and didn't leave his room until he was discharged. What if he came back and I wasn't there? What if a doctor came in and I missed their information? 

It was a mistake though. I was hungry, thirsty (the sink water tasted really bad), my head hurt, I was nauseated, I became light headed and dizzy. When my husband brought food, I was too sick to eat. It took three hours of slowly sipping a water and nibbling on a salad to get myself stable again. 

I know that if I don't take care of myself then I can't take care of others. But how quickly I forgot.

I am very grateful to all the family that were one more degree away than I. Who brought me food, water, a toothbrush, fed my cats, took me to the garden, and brought me coffee. 

Because I wasn't ready.

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